Tuesday, February 17, 2009


Well, Satan is alive and well and masquerading as a filthy rich black woman with really great skin. Yes, I have said it...Oprah is Satan. All of the things that I have always loved doing, I can no longer do because of Oprah.
I loved going to movies...then Satan does a germ show and now I am all freaked out about feces getting in my hair at the theater. In all the (few) times I have gone in the last couple of years, I take my Germ-X wipes and wipe down the whole chair including the cloth seat, not that it helps, but it does make me feel better.
I can't touch stair rails, elevator buttons, etc...I could go on forever and have passed this fun trait onto Scooter...not that he isn't a freak already!!!
What about the Mom jeans?
Maybe I LIKE this look...

maybe I LOOK better in this look...

Maybe I don't WANT to look like this...maybe I don't like my undies to show, or my butt crack when I bend over...or...just maybe...I already look like this.
Let's talk about the bras...I remember the days when I was comfortable in my wrong sized, old, worn bras...but NO!!!! I have to go and buy the $80 "Oprah" bra just because she has it on her favorite things show and everybody got one so I wanted one! I have never been so uncomfortable in my whole life!!!

Is she comfortable or not?

Maybe this chick liked her overflowing boobage!
I am sick of Satan's minions also...especially the one pretending to be one Dr. Oz. Do I really have to look at my poop to see if it is "S" shaped? Seriously?
I have decided to cast Satan off of my High Def DVR and never feel guilty again. I have trashed the "Oprah " bra, never to be worn again!!! I will eat butter! I will not stress about germs (really?), and I will keep drinking my Diet Coke! I will not let my underwear hang out of my jeans!!! Are you with me?!!! Seriously...are you with me?

Saturday, February 14, 2009

Happy Valentine's Day!!!

I've decided that I want Pink to be my Valentine...because I want to be her when I grow up. I love her. She probably has a plumber. And she doesn't have kids. And she is just hot. And not old...like me...

Homer did fix the sink yesterday, and it only has 2 leaks. We know have a big pan under the sink instead of cleaning products. Lucky me. Does this mean I don't have to clean anymore? That's what I get for snagging me a CPA instead of a plumber.

Homer took me to dinner for Valentine's Day last night (since Pink has blocked my calls) and to see Danny Gans. Pretty entertaining, (Thanks Uncle Juan!) We also went to the buffet at the Wynn. Tell me, what happened to the good old days of $4.99 buffets? $39.99!!! What the hell! I can't eat $39.99 worth of food! Homer had to get his money's worth though! Only 12 huge crab legs to start...

Anyway, Wheelchair Boy asked Homer for his permission to ask me to be his Valentine since he didn't have one...talk about sweet! That would break my heart if I had one! What great thing did I do in the pre-existence to deserve him?

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Pay it forward

The Rules1. Be one of the first Three (3) bloggers to leave a comment on this post, which then entitles you to a handmade item from me.
2. Winners, you must post this challenge on your blog, meaning that you will Pay It Forward, creating a handmade gift for the first 3 bloggers who leave a comment on YOUR post about this giveaway!
3. The gift that you send to your three Friends can be from any price range and you have 365 days to make/ship your item. This means you should be willing to maintain your blog at least until you receive your gift and have shipped your gifts. And, remember: It’s the Spirit and the Thought That Count!
4. When you receive your gift, please feel free to blog about it, sharing appropriate Linky Love!If you are not one of the Top Three Commenters on this post, you can still play along. Please take the button and post it on your blog; start your own Pay It Forward chain, and encourage your blogging friends to do the same!

Amy made me do this! Since I am not handy or crafty, I will make a macaroni necklace like Ames! Or maybe I will make a kilt for my new BFF Kristina P. or maybe not..

Tamale Thursday

It is official again...not only are we still white trash, soon I will be shaving my chin every morning with Homer...

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Homer here.....what the #$@%!!! I put a temporary fix on the stinkin kitchen faucet (that Nancy broke) to give the little "WENCH" some access to water for a couple days until the new part comes in so I can fix the little fella on the cheap (instead of spending 150 large for a new matching faucet SET) and do I get a "thanks...You da man" maybe a little "thanks for the temporary fix, somebody gonna be gettin some sugar tonight." Noooooooooooo, I get mocked, belittled, and humiliated (which is tough to do to me since I am basically shameless). I telling you that this is the last time I come running to HER rescue. Don't even try to appologize and suck up to me - its to late and I really mean it.....unless you do some really serious suckin up (like maybe a homemade rubarb pie with the lard crust or something big like that). Action is the only thing that can save you now babygirl.

White Trash Tuesday

Spring is coming to my house!
Anyways, we are once again officially white trash! You know, after 27 years of marriage, I have gotten used to growing the wheatgrass...one my window sills, in my fridge, even in my oven, but look at the faucet in the kitchen!

It was broken at the Sunday night widow's dinner,

(this is the start of Homer's wheatgrass)

THIS!!! This is what Homer did to my faucet until the part comes 'cause he was too cheap to buy a new one!!! Oh yeah...white trash at it's best! I got the white trash big dogs, white trash yard, blah, blah, blah...this is what I get for living in a trailer at BYU (married student housing), and they tore it down so I have no proof that it was student housing!
Last weekend we went to St. George for Juan's birthday bash and stayed one night at the Seven Wives Inn. (Thanks Miss Shoes!) It was great, and if you have never stayed there, you should sometime. The owners are a wonderful young couple and GREAT cooks. Be sure and have the baked oatmeal for breakfast...when Homer kicks, I want to marry the cook!

Julia Room...they are all named after the wives!

OK, so, I did have a seriously traumatic event happen to me.
Now, I am not a vain person, (OK, so yes I am, but...) I lost my make-up bag out of my purse somewhere around all those Mormons in St. George! Gone! Every lipstick, gloss and liner I owned...all M.A.C. I might add...so I am walking around looking dead! 50 and looking dead...never mind I am almost there, but it is a sin to look it...like I don't have enough problems as it is...