Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Oblivion

Well, Satan is alive and well and masquerading as a filthy rich black woman with really great skin. Yes, I have said it...Oprah is Satan. All of the things that I have always loved doing, I can no longer do because of Oprah.
I loved going to movies...then Satan does a germ show and now I am all freaked out about feces getting in my hair at the theater. In all the (few) times I have gone in the last couple of years, I take my Germ-X wipes and wipe down the whole chair including the cloth seat, not that it helps, but it does make me feel better.
I can't touch stair rails, elevator buttons, etc...I could go on forever and have passed this fun trait onto Scooter...not that he isn't a freak already!!!
What about the Mom jeans?
Maybe I LIKE this look...

maybe I LOOK better in this look...


Maybe I don't WANT to look like this...maybe I don't like my undies to show, or my butt crack when I bend over...or...just maybe...I already look like this.
Let's talk about the bras...I remember the days when I was comfortable in my wrong sized, old, worn bras...but NO!!!! I have to go and buy the $80 "Oprah" bra just because she has it on her favorite things show and everybody got one so I wanted one! I have never been so uncomfortable in my whole life!!!


Is she comfortable or not?

Maybe this chick liked her overflowing boobage!
I am sick of Satan's minions also...especially the one pretending to be one Dr. Oz. Do I really have to look at my poop to see if it is "S" shaped? Seriously?
I have decided to cast Satan off of my High Def DVR and never feel guilty again. I have trashed the "Oprah " bra, never to be worn again!!! I will eat butter! I will not stress about germs (really?), and I will keep drinking my Diet Coke! I will not let my underwear hang out of my jeans!!! Are you with me?!!! Seriously...are you with me?






9 comments:

Kristina P. said...

I don't know if I can read your blog anymore. I can't believe you called Oprah, Satan.

I like to call her Beelzebub.

Mrs Parks said...

I too will emerge from the idislikeoprah closet and emerge with pride in regards to my sagging cleavage and my mom jeans with the expanding elastic buffet waistband and love of crocs!
I am white trash, hear me HOLLER!

TeTa and JeB said...

OK lets be fair ...you have always partackin of diet coke...only thing with out sugar.
Next. you love to show your boobs and they are always better in a Oprah bra.
Dr. Oz walks on water and we even get to see body parts and we get to talk sex with him.
Now about the germ thing...haven't you always put your coat on the back of the seat....in fact I think you are the one who got me going on that one.
Enough said, just remember who you are talking to!

Clair Stewart said...

You know I thought Dr. Oz was weird too talking about how poop was suppose to dive into the water without a splash. I was thinking maybe it was an Olympic year and he wanted to be a judge or something. As far as Oprah being Satan, she might as well be, she takes all the fun out of my life, and I havent gotten to wear the Oprah bra yet!

Jen said...

That was freakin hilarious but Im with TeTa, I love her and I LOVE dr OZ

Princess Danell said...

Well, now I think she (Miss O) is the Anti-Christ. She looks and sound good, but in actuality, she is the DEVIL. She thinks she is Jesus...can heal all manner of problems. I wish I were a wealthy, black woman. At least I got the big butt think going for me! I'm probably going to hell for this! See you there Opie!

Princess Danell said...

Oh girlfriend, you are SO already there!

Deanna said...

The day I have to give up my diet coke is going to be a very sad day for all who know and love me. I too have baned oprah from tivo. I like to live in my oblivious state. Most days I'm very happy there.

The Sorensen Family said...

I call her the "Va j j Queen" give it up though Satan is one convincing bastard you will not be able to give her up. But i totally agree I look at my poop to. Irritating!!! I agree I will not give up my diet coke either. Amen sister. I do like good looking boobs and showing my underwear. What can I say!:) I love you you mad me hysterically laugh after a long day:)